Photo credits: Pezibear & Public Domain Pictures Edited by Vaishali Title: Her Lifeline Author: L.A. Casey Genre/Themes: New Adult, Contemporary Romance, grief, loss, abuse Publisher: Montlake Romance Year of Publication: 2019 Format: E-Book, kindle app R E V I E W...Before I begin what I’m sure will be a lengthy review I’m going to try my best to interpret my temperamental feelings into something intelligible because I’m experiencing feelings of bitterness with very little sweet just because of how much ‘Her Lifeline’ rocked the boat with it’s varying levels of emotional volume and realistic theme of life’s transience. There isn’t much to laugh about in this book with the storyline lending itself to express the realities of emotional wounds, grief, the consequences of every action and the iniquity of loss itself. ‘Her Lifeline’ is a heartbreaker of a story but it’s a story that’s very real and very heartfelt. “There is always good that comes out of a bad situation,” Emma suddenly said. “You just have to recognise what parts are good.”… There were two things I’d realised since returning to Scotland: I hadn’t ever had a bigger headache, and people here still spoke in riddles.' I thought I’d get a book that was jovial and hearty just as much as I knew I would experience some of the lows of character troubles. I thought I’d get a businessman with the heart of a highlander who atones for his mistakes with nothing too weighty to worry about. Saying that I went into this blind and was therefore blindsided by what I actually got upon reading ‘Her Lifeline’. This isn’t your typical billionaire romance, and it’s also not your typical ‘I fell in love with my best friend’s brother scenario.’ ‘Her Lifeline’ is deep, it’s haunting and it’s an overpowering examination of grief’s hold on all the lives involved in devastation. ‘...I understood that time was truly no man’s friend, because it just kept on ticking, whether we wanted it to or not.’ “...Fear was a whole other monster to me for a long time.” I wrapped my arms around him. “I’ll fight your fear with you.” “You will?” I squeezed him. “Try to stop me." Eleven long years ago Erin Saunders and her family had a near-perfect life, sharing happiness and love in abundance. But that was equally a day lost in bliss as well as one that would shatter everything their tight unit was. Beginning with a prologue that explores a day in the jovial, endearing life of a Scottish family, everything that was so good lapsed into something that was so bad. Everything changed in an instant for Erin, her 20-year-old brother Tommy and their mother. Roles reversed, anguish entered their home, reality reared it’s ugly head, precedence shifted, plans changed and both Erin and Tommy lost a lot more than a piece of their hearts when they realised their lives and the people in them would never be the same again. ‘I wasn’t taking any moment for granted, because I knew just how quickly a situation could change.’ ‘He’d always taught me to never give up on the people you love, even if they make you want to.' And to make matters worse Tommy’s best friend and comrade in every way - Ward Buckley - abandoned Erin’s family, parting on resentful terms when he walked out of their family home, turned his back on the family who loved him and broke Erin’s faith in him (and much more) in the process. He left at a time when his presence was most necessary, but what they didn’t know was that Ward was running from much more than simply them. But as far as Erin was concerned Ward chose to leave them the moment he walked on and never looked back at the Saunders family. ‘I’d have to move mountains to make it possible, but I was willing to do whatever it took just so she didn’t hate me anymore. I needed her not to hate me.' In the present day Erin is 22, working two jobs, paying bills and still slowly watching her alcohol dependent mother drown in a stream of self-destruction. The only light in adaptable Erin’s life is her big brother Tommy and her nephew Aiden. Working hard days are fine for Erin because she knows the dread of dealing with grief at night. Stuck with familial responsibility and dragged down by her mother’s persistence to live during a time that has long since passed, Erin would do a lot for her mum even if she is steadily squeezing any kind of gaiety from her once-loved daughter’s life while she drowns in alcohol’s respite. Erin doesn’t know how much more of this she has the endurance for because endurance has limits and so does a body’s capacity for damage control. ‘If I could keep my brother from experiencing hurt, even if only a tiny bit , I’d move mountains to make it happen.’ ‘I found it ironic that the night she became fearful of the dark was the very night she lost herself to it.' Eleven years on, Ward however seems to have it all. Money, image, and an empire to rival any other. Ward is founder and creator of ‘Friendzone’, a widespread social network that he is reaping all the benefits from. Though he is now a billionaire with a corporation to combat the best of them, he has claimed a success that isn’t solely his to demand because his winnings also belong to the friend he ditched eleven years ago, and it’s something he has never forgotten -among other things. ‘Preventing Secrets was something I held very close to my blackened heart.' Ward’s self-regard is essentially important to the credibility of his identity and profile as a business man and as a man that has the eyes of the world perceiving him. His drive to maintain his constructed persona is important enough that Ward would do and give anything to keep it that way. He’s hiding his past behind a steel door of success. Ward’s life may seem picture perfect but it’s a veneer that’s rooted in falsity and torment that he has spent the best part of his life braving and fleeing from. “Aye,” I said, my voice strained, “I kept the secret.” ‘Hannah blinked. “You don’t have to keep the secret anymore." When calamity strikes in Erin’s life for the second time, threatening to take her beloved brother from her, Erin doesn’t know if she can brave this new harrowing chapter of grief when she has already lost so much. But just as Ward Buckley left his friends and family behind without a second thought he barrels back into Tommy’s and Erin’s lives without a second thought too. Ward has decided that it’s time to make amends and repair damages that are long overdue. “Erin.” Ward frowned. “I’m not a monster.” “Funny that,” I said, balling my hands into fists. “You’ve been a monster hauntin’ me for a very long time…” ‘...but I couldn’t run away from Erin. I’d already done that to her before, and I refused to do it again.' For a man who sees women for their base natures and what they can do for his base needs, Ward Buckley doesn’t care for relationships. But Erin’s value seems worthy of exploring, not just for restoration but because Erin is not the young girl that Ward was once acquainted with. She’s not easy to unravel after the experienced that formed her, a different life might have made her so, but Erin has experienced enough to be anything but simple. There is too much bitter blood between them, and Erin makes it very clear where Ward stands and what she thinks of him. Taken by her sharpness and passion, Ward in return swears that he isn’t his mistakes and isn’t leaving his friend’s side. “She was shy around me, like a little kitten…but now? She’s a full-grown hellcat.” “One with a mean bite when it comes to Tommy,” Jesse said with a grin. “Nothin’ I say will make you believe me,” he said. “My actions will just have to speak louder than my words." Ward tries to prove his reliability as a friend to Erin…and perhaps more. Ward’s life hasn’t always been one of luxury but meeting Erin makes him realise that she really is a treasure he just might want in his life. The element of attraction embraces more than just the physical with Ward and Erin because as tragic as the circumstances are that bring them together Ward is seeing a remarkable woman who’s strength is admirable, and Erin realises that her anger may have been blurring the lines of sense where Ward was concerned. Our female protagonist isn’t the only one suffering alone, our male protagonist is too and his suffering is perhaps one of the most poignant and tragic in this story. ‘I hung my head. “Why do you have to make sense?” “Because I am a woman, son…If we didn’t make sense of things, the world would be a worse place.” “...Some secrets aren’t meant to be kept, son." ‘Her Lifeline’ by L.A. Casey makes for persuasive reading because I was glued to the pages of this book, surprised by outcomes and overcome with the sorrow of Erin’s and Ward’s life stories. ‘Her Lifeline’ doesn’t use romance to pedal the story because the romance actually comes second to the main themes expressed within every page: repentance, change and bereavement. Tommy’s life hangs in the balance as everybody latches onto his lifeline, but when life becomes lifeless Ward becomes Erin’s lifeline, and only until further into the story did I realise that Erin was one for him too. ‘She was a good lass, someone who deserved the world and then some, but she wasn’t someone who needed the world.’ ‘I wanted to be in the presence of the man whose laughter made me smile, whose self-confidence made me ambitious, whose teasing made my stomach erupt with butterflies…whose interest in my life made me feel worth something.' L.A. Casey tackled the romance really well in this story because it didn’t ring untrue, especially given the scenario the characters were in; it was tactile, smart and didn’t dominate the story being told, it only succeeded to companion and mend what was broken, using love to bridge something that needed fixing and highlighting the best in the worst. “I knew, ye’ken?” I glanced to the side. “you knew what?” Ward’s dimples creased as he grinned. “That you fancied me when you were a kid.” “I did not,” I said firmly, but I couldn’t help the blush that stained my cheeks. “I just thought you were a nice person.” Ward’s laughter was loud, joyous, and one hundred percent genuine.' In the acknowledgements L.A. Casey writes: ‘There are books authors write because of an idea they couldn’t get out of their head, then there are books authors write becaue of an idea they couldn’t get out of their hearts. Her Lifeline was the latter for me.’ This statement rang true for me because this book expressed plenty of heart with hurt to go along with it. If I do have a criticism though, It would be the lack of essential humour and lightness. This book contains steadfast conflict, mostly internal with the in-depth battles each character is facing within a realistic premise but - perhaps it’s personal opinion - I think ‘Her lifeline’ needed a bit more happiness to balance what was so bad. ‘I sighed. “I cannae answer. I’m so confused about him right now.” “Women are usually in a permanent state of confusion over men.” “Be happy you’re gay then." They say that the truth shall set you free, and it took Ward a long time to realise that, they say that everything happens for a reason but what reason could possibly justify that loss is reasonable for Erin, they say demons rule which Erin’s mum knows without a shadow of a doubt, they say to follow your dreams, and just as Tommy realised this his life redirected him. They say that the truth hurts and to live every day like it’s your last which is the fundamental deducing of ‘Her Lifeline’ “Well,” I said. “It’s a good thing I’ve got nothin’ but time.” “You once said in an interview that time is not a luxury you can afford.” “Time with you - and for - you is somethin’ I’m making a priority." ‘Her Lifeline’ talks about the impact of adverse tribulations and the grief on what was a loving, inseparable family unit. Tragedy became the source of separation but also tied the separated into a knot of forced unity. Exertion is felt by every person involved in any kind of conflict because the weight lends itself to all shoulders, and the affliction doesn’t only reside with the sufferer or wrongdoer, it’s shared and it’s a family affair. What I also loved was the absorption and portrayal that apart from the suffering, carers are endurers too, and Erin carried just as much pain caring for her mother and managing her own pain. “I think it’d be scarier to live a lonely life instead of taking the chance to love someone.” Erin’s grey eyes stared up at me. “Are you takin’ a chance?" ‘Her Lifeline’ made for uncomfortable reading as I experienced a range of upset with all the commotion and unsettling content so I wouldn’t read this if you’re easily triggered. I didn’t appreciate Ward’s character to begin with, but as his life unfolds before the reader his reasons and troubles become too real for the reader to ignore. Ward lives through courage and fear and Erin has passion for her loved ones but it’s a passion that’s also primed for fire. ‘Preventing Secrets’ is Ward’s charity, keeping them is his forte and Ward is still the sufferer of his own. Time may dilute feelings but anguish will always be present through memories re-lived and feelings that linger and that’s what ‘Her Lifeline’ teaches, but it also teaches to live for those you love; to welcome change however it materialises. ‘Somehow, Ward did what I’d never thought possible. He’d worked his way back into my life…and I wanted him to stay in it.’ ‘I still saw pain, but I saw something else that outweighed the pain. Something I could only pray for for myself. Courage.' ‘Her Lifeline’ is a cogent story that has direct intent and a message that communicates the brevity of life. That no state of mind and no state of person is lasting because the hard labour of losing and loving is an inescapable part of it. Tom’s accident is just the start of crucial dominos falling, resulting in real love, resentment, despondency, horror and friendship. This book called for some heavy emotions that I didn’t think it would take form me and L.A. Casey shines a perceptive light on the unappeasable nature of life’s unfortunate attempts because open eyes can close once more. “...I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. A guilty…conscious needs no accuser." This is not a buoyant read, the Buckley’s and Saunders’s have a grievous journey to face and one would be foolish to go into ‘Her Lifeline’ without a vigilant eye, but one would also be heartless to not feel something. Family are the people you give your heart to for better or for worse, and in return receive a piece for uglier or wholesome. ‘We were tired of living in darkness. It was times to walk into the light.' I gave this book 4 stars - P.S. After reading some reviews I realised that a few people didn’t like the Sottish dialect, but I thought the addition was great, especially because it prompted me to read the book in a Scottish accent for almost the entirely of it …and I felt no shame :D T R I G G E R W A R N I N G: Swearing and one sex scene. This books contains a lot of sensitive content including addiction, child abuse and sexual abuse among coping with grief, death and loss. Also briefly mentions suicide. --------------------------------------- M Y R A T I N G S Y S T E M: ★ - 1 star: I did not like the book ★★ - 2 stars: The book was okay ★★★ - 3 stars: It was a good, solid read ★★★★ - 4 stars: A great book ★★★★★ - 5: A phenomenal read --------------------------------------- THIS SECTION WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS ! Things I liked/Thoughts while reading: 1) The Hannah scene was especially poignant to read 2) The execution of Ward’s and Erin’s relationship 3) Perhaps a touch of fate that Tommy first opened his eyes when Ward spoke to him? I thought this was a nice touch 4) I feel so bad for Tommy and the life he was forced to leave behind. His relationships with Aiden and Erin and the bridging of a relationships with his old friend. I still have not processed Tommy’s death, I felt like I was tricked into a security that wasn’t real as soon as he first opened his eyes. 5) Ward facing his abuser was another critical and tear jerking scene 6) “You are my sunshine” 7) Be prepared for chapter 26, because for me I was tricked into believing it wasn’t coming 8) There isn’t an excess in descriptions of attraction between Ward and Erin, and considering the seriousness of subject matter I felt this was the best route to take. In some NA books there is constant droning about how attractive the mc’s are but I liked how we established that both were appealing but it soon became about real relationships and what they encompass. 9) Fitting for Ward because the place that drove him out of his hometown is where he is driven back to to face his friends and family, restore what he broke but also to unexpectedly put an end to preventing secrets. 10) I understand the seriousness of what’s happening in this book but I would have liked a bit more joviality too. 11) The ending was bitter sweet for me, and I still don’t know what to think about it because it was highly unexpected and split my feelings in two…as well as my heart, which made for visceral reading nonetheless. Q U O T E S... ‘I had never told a bigger lie in my entire life, because when it came to Erin Saunders, the only thing I was sure of was my uncertainty when it came to her. Becoming her friend would require a lot of work, but I knew she was worth it. She needed a friend, and I needed her to be in my life again.’ ‘Since my return, I’d looked past her physical beauty and seen how pure her heart was, and how mean her bit could be when she was protecting the people she loved most.’ “You hate readin’. Clearly.” Erin laughed, but quickly covered her mouth with her hand. “you’re a romance junkie,” I noted with a teasing smile. Her cheeks flushed a pretty pink. “Lorelei James, Yessi Smith, T. Gephart, Tillie Cole, L.A. Casey…” ‘I closed my eyes as she said one of the taglines that was printed in bold on the posters that decorated her school - and thousands of others nationwide. I’d made it clear that the word “the” would be underlined, and I’d made sure it wasn’t the word “your”, because an abused child’s abuse wasn’t their secret, it was their abuser’s, and it was forced on them to keep.’ “I’m a nightmare for people like you,” I said, my hands trembling. “I’m usin’ what you did to me and lettin’ it fuel me. I’m goin’ to use my newfound courage and I’m goin’ to be the monster that abusers fear. I willnae let you break me anymore, I willane let those memories cut me down. I swear to God, I’ll haunt you before you’ll ever haunt me again.” I love interacting with fellow readers, reviewers, bloggers and writers. Hearing about reader opinion is the fuel to my reader appetite, so get in touch and comment below! SHARE ON FACEBOOK E A V E A C O M M E N T A N D L E T' S T A L K A B O U T
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