Photo Credits: Gerd Altman Edited by Vaishali Title: Vitality Author: Crysta Levere Publisher: Self published Year of Publication: 2019 Version: E-book kindly provided by the author Genre/Themes: New Adult Fantasy, Paranormal Romance, Dystopian, Apocalyptic, Mystery R E V I E W...
‘Was there a way back to humanity? Would the pain be too much? Would it be worth it? Ava thought it would be. It would be worth everything. She was a starved soul with a heart big enough for two.' Atmospheric, mysterious and haunting with strong currents of the nebulous and bleary boundaries that blur the lines of the discernible, Ava’s world is one of chasing devastation, brawling emotions, and striving for freedom with a sliver of hope within her reach, consequently losing herself in an attempt to find herself on a road that could take her in either of two versatile directions. This story, set in Massachusetts, Aberdeen takes 19-year-old Ava on an enigmatic and highly surreal journey of the real as it melds inextricably with the delusory as she fights for a way of life that holds her by a thin thread. Closed-off and self contained, Ava starts a new life away from her old one of mayhem and survivalism, but Ava can’t run away from her problems when they are problems of the highly strung mind and encumbered heart; strange problems that have plagued her for as long as she can remember. Ava is cloistered and deeply unsettled in a way that only amplifies her lonesome inadequacy to bond with people and the reality she lives in, because Ava’s sense of what’s real has long since been merged with the phantoms of the unreal, existent in a place of lost placement and morphing states as she continues to question a sanity that’s volatile as much as it feels brittle. She pulled up a chair to the window, watching outside in habit as the night lowered down over the trees and all the life around her, yet not feeling alive at all. Would she ever be able to breathe again? “Your worth will only ever be found in one place, Ava." Ava is a fighter with no real place in her own life. Withdrawn and hard-hearted, Ava very much dances to the turbulent beat of a drum that seems to dictate her life. She’s a nonconformist who has only ever felt safe in her own company, ironically if not in her own skin. Thick skinned but fragile underneath, Ava tries tries hard to bottle the torrents of indescribable feelings and odd situations that only serve to unbalance her fragile sense of lucidity the more hallucinations take her life from her…but they’ll never take her strength from her. ‘They say, what you see is what you are… She only believed that, though, if a person could be defined by their fears, desires, traumas, but she refused to believe that; they may be able to shape your perception, but they do not shape your heart, and your heart can shape anything if you let it. What you are is not only what the world made you.’ With a strong drive to always fight on in an invisibly subdued way, keeping her head above water and in the land of the living has been one of Ava’s biggest fights, along with her disorienting identity that only offers perplexity when all Ava really wants is clarity. Who is Ava? Ava is fractured, trying to repair herself, goaded by pertinacity - because life for Ava is something to never say no to, least of all to give up on…and as she steps into a new life she questions and hopes that inside her remains pieces of herself that might one day piece themselves into a picture of redemption; because Ava is searching for it. But something bigger than that has caught Ava in its throes. “Little girls are taught at a young age that dreaming of love and nice things are silly, yet everyone longs for them, and under the eyelids, when secrets come out to dance, everyone dreams of them. So pitiful to live such a hateful lie. Such misery in the oppression of feeling so wrong for something that is natural, so that another can cope with its heartbreak. The fearful ridicule others for the same things they want, out of that fear — fear of life tainting happiness, so they taint it first. That fear will feed on you more than anything else can. It hinders all that you are and all that you want. All that you could be." Drawn by intuition and something a bit more obscure, a pull leads Ava to this queer, abnormal town where people are avoiding something, where secrets seem to whisper with the wind, where oddities reside in almost every nook and cranny and everybody seems to either run with madness or avoid it like the plague. Ava hoped to find an air of normalcy, to find a way from her own cryptic hallucinations, but this place might just prove to unbalance Ava’s brittle sanity and push her down a road of shadows and misgivings. “Something wicked this way comes,” he whispered…’ ‘Then the image of his eyes pierced through her thoughts uninvited. Her chest filled uncomfortably as she tossed and turned through the night, the feeling too heavy, too smothering, too calming, too fierce, too demanding to take her guard down. To take everything.’ Ava opens herself up to new friends and new choices, understanding that unprecedented bonds can form despite the differences In vice and virtue. But in the midst of this dubious town lies Lithium - a place of cavernous mysteries and eerie energies. Ava’s life condenses down to a sharp point, trailing this darkly mystifying place, soon to cross paths with a man who stands in the heart of Ava’s rotating world: Layton. ‘He was tall, dark haired, dark eyed, and divine..’ ‘The proximity of his beautiful dark features hypnotized her even further beyond the captivation of his presence; she was ensnared. And he smelled like heaven and hell.' A new time and a new age becomes them as Ava and Layton coalesce in a seductive, abrasive meeting of desire, vulnerability, rawness, volatility and comfort tinged with the harsh bite of the threat that sits within reach. Layton is drawn by Ava’s unique vitality, an uncommon girl who night calls to and animals flock to. Layton normalises a strange world for Ava, a paradoxical man who promises to be a comforting threat. Layton is a taker, an oppressor of vitality, and Ava will always fight for the specks of it within her. ‘There was no longer was any space of numbness left in her, not one corner left untouched. Inside, it was now thundering violently with an electric storm, and she wondered how the hell she had ever lived without it before.’ “I had thought you a little hellcat, and here you are — maybe only a little bird this whole time, only wanting to sing and fly.” As the two dichotomising parts of Ava - caring too much or not at all - argue the parts of feeling her heart and preserving desensitisation, Layton is warring between two base behaviours both calling for Ava from the pure and the impure - surfacing foreign feelings and finding life in her, or taking everything. As vertigo encourages these wandering souls in a nocturnal adventure of wild chases as they find freedom in the dark nights of surrender, both battle a fight of losing so much with the prosperity to gain even less. 'But why did it seem that chaos festered as the distance grew between them?' “You’re driving her to madness,” she whispered to his receding shadow. “She’ll lose what you seek.” “And what has she done to me?" ‘Vitality’ is a relationship-driven, intense story of invisible pain as Ava tries to shape herself into something bearable and hopeful while toying with letting go of her vulnerabilities or keeping them very close to her chest as she travels the untold. Living in a state of mind where dreams may not always be dreams, where perception is too malleable, where nightmares are phantoms waiting to pounce, and living does not feel real enough to make tangible sense of the world, Ava’s experience is one of slipping and sliding, losing parts of herself and losing sight of herself but still holding onto her mettle as all falls to pieces around her. From a place of self-destruction, bedlam will most always find a place to fester. A chaotic tangle of wispy mysteries and unearthly exploits claim Ava as she topples down a rabbit hole ridden with tricks and traps just as she fights to claim a foothold in her odd reality that seems to not want her to be a part of it. ‘And right there she felt the thread pull taut between the starkly different sides of her. The one that played to the tune of her heart, and the other that didn’t play at all, that was shaped by the world, melted down into a simple sharp point in order to understand absolute truths, in order to be nothing’s fool and nobody’s fool. Simple facts were simple facts… yet cold and hard. But what did matter though? There was a lot that didn’t matter, but there had to be something that mattered in the end.’ While reading, there were elements of this story that were alluring and caught a real sense of sensuous atmosphere that pulled at my attention, but i did also have some trouble with the story, structural and otherwise. Levere sensually explores the breadth of feeling and the nuances of it with intense and penetrating metaphors, colourful language and thoughtful descriptions that accentuate Ava’s overwhelming state of mind, and so the writing did have it’s own flavour unique to the story, with explanatory descriptions to paint a picture as well as tell you a story. “If you want to find yourself, you have to stop running from yourself and running from the people in the mirror, Ava.” She swallowed. He kissed her head and whispered in her ear, “Don’t you know she’s looking for you too? Let her free." The prose was exciting to read but it was equally difficult to make sense of; too obscure at times to find sense when I really tried to understand what was going on - I found this especially with Layon’s POV but also with Ava’s. This did complement the hazy, eldrich quality of the writing and the misty ambience of the story but I was confused at what was being referenced, and sometimes, the descriptions were either too convoluted or they took something away from the grander picture which I was more keen on finding out about. “I was taught by a revered philosopher that happiness was more than just an emotion, but a state of being. It wasn’t simply the absence of strife either, as one might think, you see. And that the conduit to happiness was flourishing — healthy growth — and virtue. I believed happiness, love, and growth were the meaning of life. But that comes with so much pain and fear as well… that of which stirs us to growth, teaches us perseverance to survive, meaning… but just as often overgrows and overshadows us if we let it. We alone give it the strength to become The Reaper." On one hand I like that there is something larger at play here, that there is a complete picture that hasn’t yet come to surface, but we’re also not given enough to propel our own discernment of the story. While there is a distinct uncertain path the story takes the further we read, it’s the details that should still provide a focus so that we have some idea of where we’re going. A lot of passages were too keenly focussed on Ava's emotions, too dense with her feelings, and I craved some distinct outward direction to anchor the story, perhaps focussing on the story's mysteries for something concrete to grapple with - this is important to ground a story when there is a ongoing stream of surrealism as there is in ‘Vitality’. I liked what Levere did with her debut addition to the dystopian, paranormal fantasy genre, but I think it also needed more refinement. ‘Could he follow her voice back if he wanted to? Would she follow his or maybe save herself? Would it be too late, the sound quieted, the stars gone out forever? How many curses would be sent to him in all his lifetimes? Could she be the biggest one yet?' The fictitious and the unfeigned blur in this narrative, simultaneously fusing and forming into the same thing. Ava is lost, trying to carve a path through claustrophobic tunnels. Her life is a fragmented sequence of disturbing visions and floating memories, trusting and burying a sense of rationality that is only oppressed by the nebulous phantoms she is plagued by. Is ava her own greatest tormentor? Perhaps she is her own biggest phantom, chasing the wind, while falling through steep channels that twist her, burn and bruise. The world doesn’t make sense to Ava, and she doesn’t make sense to herself, but she’s following an inborn draw, a determined tug forcing her to seek beyond boundaries that partition the absurd, lingering in illusions while trying to find the truth outside of them. ”It wasn’t the misery that mattered in the end… It will not be the misery that would matter the most now." Though a man of nightly shades, Ava’s life feels all the more fuller, lighter, yet veiled each day that Layton is in it. He invades Ava’s life while she scratches away at his cold bearings. He’s a nightmare, but one that’s concrete and too lucid to be anything but a sinister dream. But maybe nightmares are just dark dreams that aren’t as favoured as the light. Or maybe nightmares are made to snuff out any source of light. It might be a little too late to feel the consequences of dancing with shadows as Ava is now caught in the blinding, possessive headlights of a shaded man. “You’re living on borrowed breath. You brought death and pain right to your door, girl, in the disguise of angel and savior. Now you will fear the dark, fear the reaper.” ‘The night no longer felt like night; it felt like the pit before hell’s entrance.' It really is a question of wondering if Ava will fall into a maddening mania, whether she’ll risk her friable sanity for said madness by looking beyond thresholds unbidden. What does lie at the bottom of the rabbit hole? Insanity? Uncertainty, instability - Ava isn’t new to those feelings. Losing yourself to find that you wont come back from it? Maybe lost just means an unconventional way of life that the rare few will see as a saving grace rather than a phantom of fear. But fear does have its purposes, and it’s up to Ava to listen to this call because every wall was built for a reason, so is it a prosperous choice to lower shields that are stoutly built to keep monsters out? “Be careful treading in the dark. It is only your own depths that choose what you behold in the shadows of the night." Crysta Levere has done well with her character arcs for ‘Vitality’, and I’m excited to see where the second installment takes these characters! The first half of the book did have some hitches to get through as the pacing was very slow and drawn out. It took longer than necessary to bring the story together. But that last 30% of the story had surprises in store that took my breath away. I found myself calculatedly distracted while the rug was pulled from my feet because this was not an ending I could have predicted! I was so sure the book was going to head a certain way, so the cliffhanger was definitely a turning point for me. Some twists and turns during the first half would have been more effective and some fine-tuning would have made for easier reading. ‘She was going to get through that door, she had explained to it. Not without the key, it laughed. Knowing that what she had once was all gone now, or that it had never existed, only made her long for it even more. And longing for the impossible was a sure way to bleed the soul dry.' ‘Vitality’ probes Ava’s life and drive to keep on living as she’s driven by a need to feel free, to always lock horns with anything that threatens that, and to battle with anything other than destruction irrespective of her tendencies to subject herself to it. Can she possibly fall deeper down the rabbit hole, tumbling over deceptions and stalling in front of heartbreak, or will she find the freedom that her constitution has desperately been in seek of. Ava’s purpose was to move miles away from the strange, and now she’s embroiled in it. Ava and Layton both sit on opposite sides of a spectrum, knocking each other off kilter until finally the grand scheme comes into view. ‘Vitality’ is a contemplative, languid narrative and a coming of age with abrasive passion, empirical temptations, sage musings of nature and life, and fevered sensations as we wonder whether this will be a tale of sweet equanimity or dark surrender, or maybe both as Ava deliberates whether this new path is worth taking. “People have always searched for meaning, searched for more to their life... What they’re really searching for is absolute fulfillment, more peace than they realize, to feel no strife, no pain, no fear." Just like Ava is trying to push past barriers to find a certain freedom, this book is about looking past the peripheral to see what can’t be seen. ‘Vitality’ has it’s nuances as a story. It’s cut from a cloth that doesn’t walk with the ‘good’ or the ‘bad’ but walks the passage between both and of both, swaying from one choice to the next. “And I fear some have no choice in who they are. If the sun wanted to change his course just to see the moon, look at what he would have to destroy to get there.” Layton turned her over into the sand and lay over her, his hold on her wrist still tight. “And yet, I think he would do it." A chase will only last as long as the predator dictates and until the prey yields. Ava’s elastic heart might just snap if she’s not careful, and she might not be the only one falling down a well of questionable return. ‘Vitality’ is Ava’s rattling, unsettling travelling from feeling so little to feeling for life, to searching and escaping and discovering while understanding that walls are made to stand for a reason. And when they fall she’ll see whether her elastic heart has the fortitude to keep beating.
I gave this book 3.5 stars -C O N T E N T W A R N I N G: Insinuation of suicide, some profanity, and a few sex scenes of mild to moderate heat. --------------------------------------- M Y R A T I N G S Y S T E M: ★ - 1 star: I did not like the book ★★ - 2 stars: The book was okay ★★★ - 3 stars: It was a good, solid read ★★★★ - 4 stars: A great book ★★★★★ - 5: A phenomenal read --------------------------------------- Thank you so much to Crysta for offering me a copy in exchange for a review! S O M E C O N C E R N S... 1) There were quite a few spelling mistakes throughout the story. 2) The pacing did affect my overall experience of 'Vitality', but the ending pulled it back for me. 3) The writing was, at times, difficult to follow - but this just might be in my case. 4) I understand that the mystery component is important to the story, but i wanted to see a bit more proactivity within the story - a bit more conflict/to and fro, because for the most part there is a lot of time spent on establishing Ava's situation and her bond with Layton, so I think we needed something that existed beyond that for a nice balance. So, more focus on Ava's external world wouldn't have gone amiss, and would have provided a fair balance between the writing style and the complete story because i think it needed something more besides character growth. F A V O U R I T E Q U O T E S... 'The reflection was a reminder, a check-in from the outside world, the image arranged by phantom memories and inventoried by emotions: day after day a look in the mirror, a new mark left by the occasion of the time, logged by perception, good or bad… The way perception is shaped by past and blinded by the future. Avoiding it was like avoiding yourself, to be blind, to not be you, not be where you were. When you turned away from the mirror, you could be anyone and anything — and you were every time.' 'Somehow, she had forgotten how much the library meant to her once, like the feeling had just vanished to make room for more pressing things. Maybe because she had realized dreams could be dangerous for someone like her. But as she entered The Richardson Library to see the two floors filled with shelves of books under a superior arched roof, sumptuous opportunities in her tiny vicinity, and the smell of old and new paper hitting her nostrils like grandparent’s wisdom and long ancient nights, it all came back to her. The faint smell of burnt paper drifted with it, the same way darkness always trailed in happiness, the same way it always trailed behind her. And for a fleeting second, she felt connected to the world and not an outcast to it. It reminded her of hope. The thing she cherished above all, after her heart.' ”I find something I want to steal, I take nothing lightly until it is mine.” Ava countered both his dark glistening stare and his words without thinking. “And what if you find yourself at the mercy of a thief greater than you?” “Then I would not go away quietly. Nor would my hands be empty. I’d take something different but great to them. Then it would be after me they’d be looking to steal, and they’d be in my power. I would wager for what I intended all along, because I do not forget, and plus something even greater than before that they would not understand the value of until it was gone.” “So that in the end you’d have everything and they’d have nothing? Brutal.” “I am brutal, yes.” “You are a great thief then. But one who can’t stop is one who ends up with little no matter how much, Layton.” "But that does not mean an end will not come on its own, Gabriel.” Verina rose to her feet. “During one of my stays in Africa, I came across a lion sitting by a tree. He had a small deer underneath him. The deer must have fallen behind its herd and wound up the prey in the lion’s hunt. Some element kept him from feeding on it that I could not understand... Instead, he sheltered it, protected it from even his own kind. The deer had forgotten his own as well, not understanding wanting more than what the lion offered.” “What happened to them?” “They both starved.” 'He remembered that since long ago, people have been mesmerized by the pure of heart and the unbent or unbroken. He’d never understood that. It was the souls painted, shattered, and broken like a million stars in a galaxy that he found mesmerizing. And even more beautiful still was the quilt they managed to manufacture after it all, which wrapped it all up with the kind of softness that still produced love somehow, and in ways others didn’t know how to — the strength that pulled it tight together and shone with every color in the spectrum. They were stars that still shined to us millions of years after they’ve burnt out. She was magnificent. He’d watched her break into a million pieces every time she’d gone into her room alone, shining in the dark, and then build herself back up again. And every time, she had come out to her people with a sober face, only to give them something they needed, a little life. There was an intense ever flow of crashing waves in her soul, a force as vital and vivacious as blood, blood that brings nourishment and oxygen, with the power to live and grow, create life. It was the source of life and essence of vitality. If only she knew. She had the Vitality of blood.' I love interacting with fellow readers, reviewers, bloggers and writers. Hearing about reader opinion is the fuel to my reader appetite, so get in touch and comment below! SHARE ON FACEBOOK L E A V E A C O M M E N T A N D L E T' S T A L K A B O U T |
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